Graduation doesn’t really start when you get your diploma, when you’re hit in the eye by hundreds of thrown mortarboard hats, or when you get out of that hot-as-hell auditorium. Nor does it start when you’re partying the night after graduation and campus safety shows up to politely ask you to quiet down, reminding you that since you’re technically no longer students, if there is a second complaint you’re now under the jurisdiction of the real police.
No, being a college graduate really sinks in when you realize you’re no longer eligible for student discounts.
It never crossed my mind that I would ever have to pay full price for something like a museum admission. I went from having to pay the child’s rate (which at 6’6” I don’t think I could get away with anymore,) to paying some sort of student discount. Now I guess I’m a real person, with no special exemptions or qualifications. This is horrifying because it’s the early stages of a quarter-life crisis, but also because I’m cheap. I’m looking to delay the inevitable as long as possible.
At the Metropolitan Museum of Art this is pretty easy to do. Just ignore the “suggested” admission price of $20, hand over a buck, and pretend not to notice the scornful looks you’ll be getting.
Sometimes it’s a bit trickier. I recently purchased CS6, Adobe Creative Suites with Photoshop, InDesign and the like. It’s incredibly powerful software that I should’ve learned how to use a while ago, because as of now I’m basically using it at a level that’s probably about equal to MS Paint.
The basic Creative Suite is $1,300. The student-teacher discount is 80% off. You can see why it was real important to get that student discount, which was kind of a problem given that I was three-weeks graduated. I’m pretty sure Adobe isn’t quite sure what their statute of limitations is on education, because some parts of the website said currently enrolled (including the online sales rep I talked to,) but one page had a teeny-tiny little asterisk that indicated that you were still good six months out. Hooray for me and hooray for Adobe, because had a three week technicality cost me a thousand bucks, I would’ve probably given $20 to a pirate friend and gotten the whole shebang for free.
I guess my point is… if you want to buy Photoshop, you should probably do it now. See? I just taught you something about the Adobe pricing system. You learned something because you’re a student of life. Life is expensive, so you deserve that student rate. Fake it till you make it.
I’m attending graduate school at the University of Hard Knocks in the fall. Now give me my discount.
Originally published Monday, July 30, 2012